Desk

It’s a small desk. Let’s be clear about that. Small enough that it can make you feel like a schoolchild sometimes. But it’s a beautiful desk. The kind of desk a wealthy Danish schoolchild would have. And when it comes down to it, isn’t that what we all want to be? Nubile schoolchildren, living in restrained and tasteful privilege in a socialist wonderland? This is the kind of desk you sit at before you discover your sexuality while the golden light of the Nordic summer filters through a birch forest. And that, I think, is worth 200 Euros. 

Chair

 This “task chair,” as they like to call it, was made by the Steelcase Company of Grand Rapids, Michigan. Grand Rapids, Michigan, if you haven’t been there, was populated by Dutch Protestants, and is a staid, conservative kind of town. And Steelcase makes about the most boring stuff in the world: filing cabinets, cubicles, desk chairs. That summer you spent interning with an accountant? You were probably sitting in a Steelcase chair, at a Steelcase desk. In short, this is a solid, boring chair. Which is why it pairs so well with the desk.  Work can’t all be about smooth lines and exotic wood, you know. This chair is infused with all of the very best variants of dull, hardworking people the Western world has produced in the last 100 or so years. These are the people about whom Weber so famously said, “I wish they’d just loosen up and take a vacation.” Just imagine how productive you’ll be sitting in it. 40 euros.

Coffee Grinder

This is the entry-level grinder that all the fancy coffee shops recommend. It probably isn’t great for espresso, but it does a damn fine job with everything else. So if you’ve been feeling like you weren’t quite pretentious enough recently, this is a great way to inject a subtle feeling of cultural superiority into your morning routine. 40 Euros.

Canon Pixma M375

It does all that printing, copying, and scanning stuff that these things are supposed to do. You can even send a fax with it. The ink costs a fortune, but that’s par for the course, I guess. It takes up kind of a lot of space, but it works well. 30 Euros.

Rug

I'm tempted to describe it as "industrial rainbow," but I'm pretty sure the Berghain already has a party by that name. There's no wild sex here, and definitely no pounding techno, but there are stripes, and colors. Lots of gray. It's warmer than the floor on cold Berlin mornings.

Lamp

So it’s an Ikea lamp. But it’s a pretty one. I think it cost 80 or something new. And don’t even try to tell me you’re too good for Ikea. 20 Euros.

Side Tables

I have two of these, but one’s pretty sad– the wheels are wobbly and it’s missing the bottom pane of glass. I guess I’d sell that one for a euro or two, but the other one’s worth at least five.